Garbagology

ITEM #1 - Letter from a friend, 2 June 2002

Hey Peter,

How'er you? Man, I was wearing my Cubs shirt yesterday, missing Wrigley field. Was it you that told me that they have blocked the view to Wrigley from the ajacent buildings? Shame.

Hey, I have been thinking about a few things that you wrote about, possible reasons as to why you have a hard time finishing a project.

First of all, I think that you and I are very similar in this manner. You may think differently, in light of my having jobs and completing them. This is true. But, when it comes to my own projects and things that I want to create, I have a very hard time completing the task.

Here are what I think are the ingredients: perfectionism or a tendency toward that end, great capacity to dream/visionary tendency, fear of criticism or a percieved lacking in the ability to argue one's position (and an avarice toward conflict), and the big anti-climax that can happen after the project is completed (because if building/tinkering is life, then completion is death, maybe?).

First, nothing can be perfected, but it is a good thing to try to grasp the gold ring. It is also good to set goals and try to get people to keep you accountable. There can be conflict, and I can tell you, I have an extremely hard time with both setting a goal and asking others to push me. Really, I think part of it is having people that believe in you, your talent, and the faith that you are going in the right direction. Peter, you have to know that you are considered a highly gifted songwriter and a visionary. But, as I try to keep reminding myself, and as my past "failures to move forward" have told me, talent can only take you so far. Discipline, on the other hand, can take you much farther. And if a person has both talent and discipline, that's where it gets exciting. I think of Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods. I, on the other hand, have been trying to ride on talent alone for so long....

Second, the visionary thing. It is something that you and I both will be in the grip of for the rest of our days. Do you spend nights calculating, thinking, dreaming? I do. Sometimes I get up and scribble it down. This is a blessing and a curse. A curse because many of the dreams will not be realized, but a blessing because maybe, a few will make it through the mirror.

Fear of criticism. This might not pertain to you, but it certainly does to me. But I do know that you are your own worst critic. The things I've heard you complain about, with your music, I sometimes can't reckonize. Do you think we criticize ourselves in order to take the sting out of someone else's criticism. There is another side to this point. I know for myself, and I'm sure for you also, that there are things you have made that you believe are beyond criticism. Things that stand on their own. Maybe that's what we are trying to reach, making pieces that have legs and are able to stand on their own. Since the bulk of creative work is in the rough, it can be discouraging when these pieces and scraps can't stand up...which can lead to lower self-esteem..which can lead to the halt of work altogether. We need to keep pushing forward. Picasso made a ton of crap, but in the midst, he was able to pull a rabbit out of a hat every once and a while. I want you to know that you have the ability to make beautiful things that stand on their own and are beyond criticism. You are an artist.

The big anti-climax. What happens when its done, its a product, its open for praise or ridicule, what then? Is it good, is it bad, can you see all the flaws, are you happy? Is that the goal, happiness? I don't know. What is the goal then? How do you deal with success, or failure? Do you have a mission after its out, does the product have a life of its own? Does it give you life? Or does it feel like a death, imperfect and over? I think its important to learn how to handle completion and see it as an accomplishment, one of many, rather than agonizing over the flaws and imperfections, or the could'a, should'a, would'a's. Its better to have those kind of feeling than the could'a, should'a, would'a's of never finishing the project. There isn't an infinite amount of time, we are mortal.